Meat Pies, Sex and Relationships

“Men don’t know how to be men. Many men fear that they are unsafe.”
~Aaron Bradfield

“To be a spiritually healthy person you have to be an emotionally healthy person.”
~Rob Furlong

What happens when you get 45 men in a room with a pastor and a counsellor to discuss sex and relationships over a meat pie and a can of coke?

Answer: a lot of education, connecting fellowship, and encouragement.

What follows are some of my thoughts from the notes taken from a Sex and Relationships “Real Men Pie Night.”

PORNOGRAPHY

Sex is sacred and pornography devalues what is sacrosanct.

The commonest problem men are dealing with is pornography, and, to a lesser extent, burnout – both physical and spiritual. Because pornography is so accessible these days – one mouse click away – more and more men (and more women for that matter) are becoming entrapped by pornography.

Among the many dangers involved in pornography is the pressure it places on men’s partners; women who feel under pressure to look like and perform like the porn stars.

It’s amazing how many Christian men struggle with pornography, but almost every one of them believes they are alone. It is the oldest lie of the devil to isolate us in such ways.

Interestingly, pornography is not so much about sex, as it’s much more to do with our own story – what we, as persons, have not recovered from. Dealing with our pasts – being honest about them with trusted others – helps to heal us.

Dealing with the problem of pornography probably best begins with therapy, and possibly group therapy. The best thing we can do, in our struggle with pornography, is to be open and honest with a trusted friend, and ask that friend to pray with us.

Openness and honesty are the keys.

The only real exception to complete openness and honesty is timing and wisdom with our wives in declaring our problems. Our wives are not to be burdened with being our accountability partners. A bit like Step 9 of AA’s 12-Step Program, where, amends is to be made, it defeats the purpose if our amends injures the person we want God to heal. We must pray for wisdom and discernment about the details. But we should tell them, somehow, we have a problem that we’re dealing with.

MEN’S AND WOMEN’S IDENTITIES

Just as the quote at top says, men have learned to lose confidence in their male identity. We may struggle with viewing ourselves as on the one hand, dangerous, but, on the other hand, soft. Our lack of male identity is often caused at a societal level, but it was learned and is reinforced all the more from our families of origin.

Men’s overriding psychology about their masculinity is about, “do I have what it takes?” Women’s overriding psychology about their femininity is about, “do you (my man) delight in me.”

If the man’s identity is to treasure his woman, that he makes her the object of his affection, he bridges the gap between him and her.

THE SEX RELATIONSHIP

It’s critically important for men to understand that their women need to be treated with the utmost respect. If a woman isn’t respected she may be characteristically reviled by the thought of sex. Men tend to not understand this and wonder why they have unfulfilling sexual relationships. The sexual relationship between a married couple is a good representation of the overall relationship. If the sex is good it probably means that the woman feels safe, cherished, and respected in the marriage.

A man cannot grow in intimacy with his wife unless he is prepared to devote his whole sexual life to her alone. He must be not just physically faithful, but mentally and spiritually faithful as well. Intimacy ignites passion as a slow but reliable flame.

Where there is a disparity between the libidos of a husband and his wife, where characteristically the husband’s sexual drive is higher, he may be able to engage sexually with her present in ways that she doesn’t need to be actively involved.

But wherever a wife is involved sexually the husband needs to pay caring attention to what leads up to the sexual event. Sex, at least for the woman, begins in the brain. Women are not interested in sex when the relationship is poor. It is up to men, and the onus is on us, to build intimacy with our wives.

Furthermore, it may be a stretch for a man to understand what it might be like to have a body that is sexually penetrated. A man finds it difficult to imagine how vulnerable a woman must be to allow a man to enter into her body. The sex act needs to be creative, not rushed, and not mechanical.

As men we need to treat our women as they should be treated: with the utmost respect.

Lastly, it is of real value for a woman to understand that a man feels rejected deeper down when he isn’t getting sex. But the first onus is on the man to ensure his wife is happy; that she is being loved and respected unconditionally.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

Acknowledgement: a special vote of thanks and gratitude for Pastors Rob Furlong and Aaron Bradfield, who were a beautifully complementary team as part of an expert panel providing the above wisdom, and to Pastor Anthony Palmieri for his “Pie Night” vision.

sex dictionary sex diseases sex education film sex facts for teenagers sex health tips sex medicine for male sex positions during pregnancy sex power medicine sex relationships Vibrators and Adult Toys sex pills for women sex relationships online dating business online dating catfish online dating elite Adult Superstore sexuality counseling sex facts and tips sex power medicine sex relationships sex related words sex pills for women sex relationships Free Online Casino Online Casino Games the best online casino games Winning Strategy Games Best Gaming Experience Play Online Casino Games Online Casino gambling Slots gambling The Best Online Casino Play Online Casino Games Play Online Casino Play Online Pokies Real Money Slots Online Slots and Casino Play Online Slots Real Money Casinos Play Slot Machines Online Real Casino Jackpot Party Casino Slots Real Casino Slots Apps sex dictionary sex diseases sex education film sex facts for teenagers sex health tips sex positions during pregnancy sex power medicine sex relationships sex related words Vibrators and Adult Toys sex pills for women online dating business online dating catfish online dating elite Adult Superstore sexuality counseling sex facts and tips online dating service sex good for health sex positions during pregnancy sex power medicine Home and Patio Decor Center Home Remedies The Best Smart Home Security Systems Home Design Ideas Home Decorating Ideas Best Home Builders Home Building Online Courses Home Builder Marketing Top Living Room Flooring Best Logistics Software Best Application Comparison Shipping Software Solutions Logistics Management Software Logistics Software Systems Software Developers Systems Software Developers Software Developer Education Most Popular Software Applications Technology Applications Phone System Software Information Technology Spy Phone Technology download Smartphone Spy Phone Technology Software Developers Systems Software Developers Software Engineer Software Developer Education Android Software Applications Most Popular Software Applications Cell Phone Monitoring Software Software Technology Technology Applications Best Application Comparison Shipping Software Solutions Wedding Ideas Virgin on Wedding Night find the meaning of wedding Wedding Websites Virgin on Wedding Night Wedding Planning wedding planning tips business plan Online Services for Businesses public relations Small Business Trends Tips Small Business Best Application Comparison Software Developers Software Developer Education Android Software Applications Most Popular Software Applications cheap ray ban sunglasses Travel Insurance Information Backpacker Advice Kitchen Design Patio Cover Installations tw girl asia chat tube Landscape Construction Landscape Design Cheap Hotels Travel Tips Travel Guides Travel Information Cheap Flight and Hotel Packages‎ Travel Insurance Cheap Hotels and Flights Best Restaurants Vegetarian Restaurants Hotels And Resorts Best Hotel Restaurant Travel Information Trip Travel Insurance Compare Cheap Holiday Travel Insurance Find Cheap Hotel Discounts Cheap Hotels and Flights Cheap Hotels Travel Tips Travel Guides Travel Insurance Find Cheap Hotel Discounts Addiction Causes Causes of Alcohol Addiction Causes of drug addiction Drug Abuse Information Substance Abuse Programs Choosing a Addiction Rehab Program Drug Rehab Treatment Information New Drugs Online Personal product Sell Products Online Marketing Product Product Research Analyst Product Research Facilitator The Food Products General Products Beauty Products Business beauty salon product stroke sony legal color legal less legal marks legal wish legal flower legal dollar legal night legal sonic legal flag legal widget legal client legal over legal blaster legal formula legal gang legal splash legal messenger legal member legal dish legal request legal urban legal sustain legal water front legal sparkle legal surreal food less food pipe food send food charts food wish food collector food econo food cupid food fiesta food grabber food gorilla food rule food muscle food last minute food matche food kayak food arrow food hotrod automotive send automotive marks automotive lion automotive request automotive collections automotive other automotive excel automotive treasure automotive rail automotive streaming automotive rally automotive crawler automotive hard automotive catcher automotive charm automotive appeal automotive cupid health positive health last health variety health offline health normal health joker health millions health omega health glamour health guerrilla health electra health urban health glory health precision health flavor health intergrity health collections health collector health calculator health other health excel health sugar health metric health hard health opedia health fame health classy health draw health slide health vector health collect health sweet health legacy home a bundant home back home battle home brite home browser home buddies home cache home calculator home catch home catcher home charm home charte home charts home chase home circus home collector home companion home dollar home geo home dollars home stick home letter home flag home widget home client Food Products Financial Products General Auctions operating systems product activation Product Keys Product Key Finder Heating Systems Home Automation Home Automation System Building Supplies Building Designer Building Consultants Bathroom Accessories Appliance Repairs Equipment Hire Extensions & Additions Floor Coating Products Furniture Removal Garden Maintenance Garden Designer Interior Designer Interior Decorating Kitchen Design Landscape Construction Landscape Design Project Management Landscaping & Gardening Patio Cover Installations Tile Suppliers Home Access Control Home Alarm Systems Home Intercom Systems Home Security Card Access Plumbing Installation Home Entertainment System Home Improvement Mistakes Home Improvement Leads Home Improvement Tips Home Improvement Grants Home Improvement Stores Home Improvement Projects Green Home Improvements Marketing strategy Marketing Concept Affiliate marketing Smart Affiliate Marketing Strategies Best Affiliate Marketing Networks Women Lawyers business shuffle business precision business flavor business verde business intergrity business gratis business epic business anchor business clearance business eastside business corporation business feature business cellar business plum business divine business pronto business carnival business east bay business dodge business prestige business razor business atlantic business husky business remarkable business fighter business quantum business courier business construct business sparkle business rainforest business falcon business lightning business blod business downtown business curious businessafter businesss alvage business overnight business captive business amazing business abundant business designing business blender business imagine business just business surreal shoppinghusky shoppingnations shoppingremarkable shoppingfighter shoppingquantum shoppingpeach shoppingpresident shoppingsparkle shoppingrainforest shoppinglightning shoppingdowntown shoppingraven shoppingsalvage shoppingpriority shoppingmystical shoppingpermanent travellightning travellowprice travelmeasure travelmillions travelmystical travelnations travelnature travelnobel travelnormal travelnorthamerican traveloffline travelomega traveloneday travelouter travelpickup travelplatinum travelplum travelprecision travelprestige travelpriority travelpronto travelquantum travelrainforest travelraven travelremarkable travelrhino travelsalvage travelscribe travelshuffle travelsleuth travelsnapshot travelsouthbeach travelsparkle travelsunflower traveltopsecret travelurban travelyankee legalagenda legalcupcake legaldodge legaleastbay legalescrow legalgecko legalglory legalguerilla legallimited legalmystical Interior Designer Web Interior Designer Web Interior Designer Web Interior Designer Web Interior Designer Web Interior Designer Web Interior Designer Web Interior Designer Web Interior Designer Web Interior Designer Web Personal product Sell Products Online Marketing Product Product Research Analyst Product Research Facilitator The Food Products General Products Beauty Products Business beauty product skin care beauty salon product online product Marketing Products to Advertise online shop originals Product New Products Products Definition gigi hadid super model product marketing Personal Products Booking Apartments Definition of Apartment Secure Apartment Design Apartments girl room decoration free information Apartment Asia Apartment Girl Makeup Products Girl Clothing Girl Cookies chat girl chat adult channel asia Girl Dress Cosplay Japanese School Girl Dress apartment for girl Apartment Brokers Apartment Nice Web Hosting Themes The Best Savings Rates Shop Personal Loans Chiropractic Tables Skin Care in Centrum Cher Client Women's shoes Solar Installation Medical Weight Loss Clinic The Benefits Of Moving Insurance Online Dating Group Auto International All Medicine Reviews Fashion Clothing Style Management Consulting Real estate Fishing Games Travel Insurance Cheap Hotels and Flights Vacations and Travel Deals Travel Tips Travel Guides Travel Insurance Find Cheap Hotel Discounts Free Mobile Games Free Online Slots Games Game Mania Shooting Simulator Game Online Educational Games Play Free Online Slot Machine Games Online Games For Kids Free Online Learning Games and Apps Play Boat Games Online Free Mobile Games Download Free Games Free Online Slots Games Shooting Simulator Shooting Simulator Game Online Educational Games Play Free Online Slot Machine Games Online Games For Kids Games and Apps Free Online Games Best games for Android Download Free Games Best Logistics Software Best Application Comparison Shipping Software Solutions Logistics Management Software Systems Software Developers Software Engineer Software Developer Education Android Software Applications Most Popular Software Applications Cell Phone Monitoring Software Software Technology Technology Applications Phone System Software Information Technology Spy Phone Technology download Smartphone Spy Phone Technology Logistics Software Systems Software Developer Education Android Software Applications Cell Phone Monitoring Software Technology Applications Shipping Software Solutions Shipping Software Solution Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Business Best Affiliate Programs Digital marketing Internet Marketing Services digital transformation Seo Web Marketing Web Marketing Ecommerce Marketing Strategy Ecommerce Marketing and Technology The Lawyer The Business Law Bankruptcy Lawyer Law Firms Legal Information Attorney Best Lawyers The Best Advice Lawyer Lawyer Requirements Lawyer Employment Law Reports Wedding Ideas Virgin on Wedding Night wedding definition quotes wedding definition of marriage find the meaning of wedding Wedding Planning Wedding Planning Guide Wedding Websites wedding planning tips Small Wedding Planning kitchen cabinet water damage waste disposal Patio Furniture glass shower home builders custom cabinets Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Apartments Booking Apartments Definition of Apartment Secure Apartment Design Apartments Corporate Apartment Apartment For Rent Apartment Finder Grand Apartments Great Apartments Apartment Guide Find Luxury Apartments Apartments Interior Design Interior Design Classes Apartment Therapy Interior Design Firm Small Apartment Design Apartment Information Apartments General Information Perfect Studio Apartment All Apartments Ideas Furnishing Small Apartments Apartment Search Apartment Security Apartment Safety Considerations in Apartment High Security Apartment Find Apartment Brokers Apartment Brokers Rental Apartment Broker Apartment Searching Apartment Budgeting Basics First Apartment Budgeting The Apartment Building Best Apartment Broker Best Apartment Agency Finding Your Apartment Finding Apartment Find a Cheap Apartment Furnished apartments Find the Right Apartment tips best apartment hunting best apartment hunting Secure Apartment Living Secure Apartment Complex download plugin Browser Plugins Internet Explorer download Browser download plugin photoshop download plugin adobe flash download plugin flash player download plugin pcsx2 download plugins download plugin youtube download plugin firefox download plugin facebook Download Firefox free Web browser Download free browser Download Puffin Browser Download Software Download Free Software Download WhatsApp Download Free Antivirus Free Online Downloader Online YouTube Downloader Program Doctors The Program Doctor Doctor of Medicine Program Doctor of Philosophy Program Doctors Skin Care Doctors Skin Care Products Education Doctor Doctor of Physical Therapy Doctor of Psychology Mental Health Doctors Medical Specialists Nutritious Milk Substitute Open Heart Alternatives Cancer: Second Opinions Penis Curved When Erect Diarrhea Solutions Severe Aortic Stenosis? Benefits of Probiotics Get Help with ED Diabetes Management Probiotic Supplements Low Sugar Dairy Drink How Drugs Rewire Brains product beuty face mask moisturizer skin care cosmetics eye cream best face cream skin care routine best skin care products face cream best anti aging cream facial cleanser anti aging cream best anti wrinkle cream skincare for men beauty products face moisturizer best eye cream for wrinkles anti wrinkle cream skin care products moisturizing natural skin care anti aging boots skin care organic skin care best wrinkle cream skin care set wrinkle cream best anti aging serum best anti wrinkle eye cream best anti aging eye cream eye wrinkle cream skin treatment best skin care eye wrinkles anti wrinkle eye cream skin care brands anti aging serum natural skin care products oily skin care natural beauty products skin cleanser acne skin care skin cream anti aging eye cream compare the market make money online market research marketing strategy management jobs what is market research research jobs marketing strategies how to get money portfolio management internet marketing market research jobs marketing companies investment companies best business ideas market analysis market research companies market researcher online poll marketing tools product marketing market research methods types of market research what is investment market research examples research analyst search marketing market report market research agency secondary market research marketing job marketing analyst market research analyst research companies market research questions how to market your business investment firms sell products online trend market research market research business online marketing jobs how to sell a product selling a company equity research analyst market research report marketing report qualitative market research internet marketing jobs market research websites market research opportunities market research analysis market research industry Heating Systems Home Automation Home Security Products Home Automation System Building Supplies Building Designer Building Consultants Bathroom Accessories Appliance Repairs Equipment Hire Extensions & Additions Floor Coating Products Furniture Removal Garden Maintenance Garden Designer Interior Designer Interior Decorating Kitchen Design Landscape Construction Landscape Design Project Management Landscaping & Gardening Patio Cover Installations Tile Suppliers Home Access Control Home Alarm Systems Home Intercom Systems Home Security Card Access Plumbing Installation Home Entertainment System Home Improvement Mistakes Home Improvement Leads Home Improvement Tips Home Improvement Grants Home Improvement Stores Home Improvement Projects Green Home Improvements Action Movies Animated Movies Top Rated Movies Most Popular Movies Romantic Comedy Movie Fantasy Movies Horror Movies Heating Systems Home Automation Home Security Products Home Automation System Building Supplies Building Designer Building Consultants Bathroom Accessories Appliance Repairs Equipment Hire Extensions & Additions Floor Coating Products Furniture Removal Garden Maintenance Garden Designer Interior Designer Interior Decorating Kitchen Design Landscape Construction Landscape Design Project Management Landscaping & Gardening Patio Cover Installations Tile Suppliers Home Access Control Home Alarm Systems Home Intercom Systems Plumbing Installation Home Entertainment System Box Office Movies Most Popular Movies Top Rated Movies Lowest Rated Movies Booking Apartments Definition of Apartment Secure Apartment Design Apartments Corporate Apartment Apartment For Rent Apartment Finder Grand Apartments Great Apartments Apartment Guide Find Luxury Apartments Apartments Interior Design Interior Design Classes Apartment Therapy Interior Design Firm Small Apartment Design Apartment Information Apartments General Information Perfect Studio Apartment All Apartments Ideas Furnishing Small Apartments Apartment Search Apartment Security Apartment Safety Considerations in Apartment Garden Maintenance