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Month: November 2017

Have Great Sex (Even If Your Husband Is Too Busy To Ask You Out On Dates!)

Posted on November 30, 2017 in Uncategorized

A few months ago, I started feeling (in a bad way) like a sex object to my husband. Like he was just using me to satisfy his sexual needs.

What had happened to dating as foreplay? How long could he expect us to have great sex without being romanced?

I felt helpless, hopeless, angry and frustrated. Oh how I wished I knew how to make myself feel like having sex with my husband, even though he was too busy to take me out on dates…

That’s when I accidentally came across the solution to my problems. It wasn’t clear to me at first. But, what worked for me, was to understand men better.

What Do You Mean By ‘Understand Men Better’?

When you begin to understand men better, it means you begin to see into your husband’s heart. You begin to finally begin to understand why men behave the way they do – what drives him; what de-motivates him, etc…

And as you understand how men think, you’ll finally understand why your husband is too busy to take you out on dates. Plus, you’ll realize the REAL reason why your husband doesn’t need to go out on dates in order to feel like having sex with you. (Hint: it’s not because men have sex on their minds all the time).

The truth is, your husband has good reasons for behaving the way he does.

And more often than not, these are actually loving reasons. And that’s why learning how to understand men better is so important.

Understanding Men Better Means You Get To Avoid MISUNDERSTANDINGS.

Wouldn’t you agree that when you don’t understand men, it’s easy to mis-understand your husband’s actions… which usually only leads to bigger problems?

For example:

  1. You wonder whether he still loves you…
  2. You start to resent his behavior…
  3. You feel helpless and frustrated – not knowing how to solve your marriage problems…

And then what? You find that the problem of your husband not having enough time to take you out on dates, is only the beginning of one of your many growing problems within your marriage… (oh dear.)

But Can Understanding Men Better Truly Make You Feel More Sexual?

Absolutely! Because when you think about it, what really makes a woman feel like having sex with her husband? It’s the feeling of being CONNECTED with him. That’s the purpose of going on dates, isn’t it? To build a stronger connection…

Still, How Can You Feel Connected To Your Husband When He’s Too Busy And Has No Time For You?

What you need is a microscope to look into his heart. A microscope that doesn’t need you to spend time with your husband in order to understand him better.

Did you know you don’t even need to talk to your husband to understand him better? In fact, the three best ways I’ve found, of how to connect with your husband, without talking to him, is by:

  1. Using visualization(s);
  2. Taking a course(s);
  3. Reading book(s) about it.

And that’s what I did. I did visualizations. I read books. I attended courses about how to understand men better.

Which Brings Me Back To My Own Story…

My husband and I used to have a great sex life. But a few months ago, he suddenly got very busy with his work. Too busy to take me out on dates. And even though I did my best to be supportive, I found it harder and harder to have sex with him.

Soon, I noticed I wasn’t feeling as enthusiastic as sex as before. My husband noticed it too. It affected him.

But mostly, it affected me.

  1. I couldn’t enjoy sex.
  2. I started to get a bit naggy.
  3. I felt angry.
  4. Resentful.
  5. Impatient with him.

And worst still, I felt frustrated with myself. I was trying so hard not to blame him (because he had valid reasons for not dating me). But still, I desperately wanted him to take me out on a date before trying to have sex with me.

All this took a toll on our relationship.

Finally, I read in an e-book, that

  1. A man’s job is how he identifies himself as a man;
  2. Most of the reason men work is to support their families;
  3. When a woman complains, a man feels she doesn’t appreciate his efforts, so he’s demoralized. Eventually he becomes emotionally numb, or he leaves.

These words about men gave me the microscope I needed to see into my husband’s heart.

Immediately, I felt more appreciative towards my husband. Not surprisingly, these appreciative feelings made me feel more connected to him… which allowed me to keep my heart open to his… which amazingly, made me eager to have sex with him, which led to us having great sex!

So To Summarize…

The way to have great sex with your husband, even when he’s too busy to take you out on dates, is to understand men better. Why? Because understanding men better gives you a microscope to see into your husband’s heart (even without talking to him).

This is important because it will help you to avoid MISUNDERSTANDINGS about your husband ‘s actions. (Misunderstandings which can lead to bigger problems in your marriage.)

While you may not think that understanding men is related to your sexuality, it actually helps you to feel more CONNECTED to your husband. (The feeling of connection, which is vital for women to have, before they can feel sexually attracted to a man.)

And once you feel connected to your husband, your heart will open up to him… which will leave you available to receive his sexual advances – an expression of his love for you.

Best of all, having great sex together will bring you closer together as a couple. How do I know? Because now, even though I still feel like my husband treats me like a sex object, I’m flattered by it. What’s more, after having great sex, my husband takes his own initiative to make plans for the two of us to have dates and spend quality time together. Isn’t it amazing that we both get to win?

Sex Toys – How to Introduce!

Posted on November 27, 2017 in Uncategorized

Introducing sex toys into a relationship can take both pleasure and intimacy to the next level and then some. In addition, the element of “fun” is brought into the picture, and being in a fun, playful relationship is something few couples truly achieve due to poor communication. With a sex toy, you can easily build a bridge toward fun sexual intimacy. Here are three important ways to bring sex toys into a relationship.

1. Start slow! Remember you’re building a bridge and before you can put up the foundation you need to prep the work area. Introducing any outside element into sexual relations can be challenging. The easiest prep tool to use in order to ease into sex toys, are lotions or oils. What you are doing here is simply introducing a third element into your intimate relations, and you’re starting with something simple. Once erotic oils and lotions are used, you’ve opened the door for other intimacy tools to be added in the future.

2. The foundation! You’re foundation will set the stage for further sex toy adventures, so it’s important to choose the right foundation. What you’re looking to do here is to introduce an actual sex toy into the relationship. But it has to be a sex toy which is simple, gentle, and easy. In other words your foundation sex toy shouldn’t be some elaborate contraption. You’ll easily scare off your partner. Your foundation should be basic and something easy which you can further build upon in the near future. Various ticklers and the like would be an example of a simple foundations to begin building your sex toy adventures around.

3. Avoid the Crutch! You want to avoid becoming sex toy addicted and every intimate encounter having to rely on a sex toy. That is, don’t turn a sex toy into a crutch. Use it only to enhance the relationship, not serve as the centerpiece where every intimate encounter is going to require a sex toy in order for pleasure to be achieved.

Sex toys, or intimacy tools, can be used as an automatic bridge to bring one another closer while achieving intimacy on a level never previously experienced.

How Sex Conflicts Can Affect the Mental Illness

Posted on November 24, 2017 in Uncategorized

The whole subject of sex has too long been shrouded in mystery and fear-fear nourished by ignorance and misunderstanding. Other fears of mankind have been dispelled by understanding. We have learned that many diseases are caused by bacteria and viruses and not evil spirits. Consequently we no longer feel an irrational terror of disease but try to control it by isolation, inoculation, and chemotherapy. If sexual matters were similarly understood and openly considered by all, the sexual fears and conflicts so prevalent in our civilization would disappear.

Perhaps the greatest obstacle to universally healthy sexual attitudes is the fact that although many parents realize the value of sex education they feel inadequate and ill prepared to offer guidance to their children. They are still addicted with inhibitions, embarrassment, and a feeling that sex is unclean. As a result the child gathers independently a distorted, unhealthy collection of misinformation and misinterpretations.

Logically there is no reason why the psycho-sexual development of the individual should be regarded in a different light from other bodily functions. At each stage of development certain manifestations appear for which the child should be prepared. He is more harmed by anxiety and fear of things he doesn’t understand in regard to sex than by possible premature indulgence.

The injudicious handling of sex curiosity in young children may have lasting effects. Many of the barriers that prevent a normal, healthy response in adolescents toward members of the opposite sex have their origin in such early encounters. A deep-seated fear of sex may lead to repressions that make the young girl or boy shrink within a shell of reserve that they cannot explain Years of maladjustment and unhappiness may result from a few moments of mismanagement.

The most effective safeguard against the development of sex conflict ill adolescence is a campaign of sound sex education for both parents and children, the guiding principle for parents should be honesty and an air of casual frankness. It is not necessary to attempt a full discussion of biology in one sitting, for such earnestness and overemphasis is as extreme as complete refusal to discuss the topic.

In answer to the child’s questions about other things it is not customary to sit down and give him a full lecture on each subject. A simple, honest answer to his question is all that is needed, and although the original question may be followed by others for elaboration, the subject is soon dropped and the youthful mind follows its natural course to other things. The child’s interest may appear first in questions about his own origin and if the answers are supplied without emotional display or concern the child accepts them matter-of-factually. These suggestions may seem obvious to us but it is amazing how many of the children who come under observation at the clinic are totally ignorant of the scientific fundamentals of sex.

Individual Problems Complicated
Various types of emotional reactions, only a few of which have been discussed, are usually operative in producing the symptoms exhibited by a given individual.

This is well illustrated by the following case report:
The patient was a young man in college, who came to the psychiatrist with the following complaints. For four years he has tried in vain “to get control of himself” and has become thoroughly discouraged and about “at the end of his rope.” He has had mastoid, sinus, and tonsil infections which he thinks have affected his mind. For the last three years he has been intensely unhappy and has made no friends, because “people despise him.” He says that he is a physical coward and is “mentally tortured by bad habits.” Ideas run through his head so that he cannot sleep. At times he has felt that people were reading his thoughts and watching him on the street; and occasionally he believes he is going insane and has resolved to commit suicide.

This young man’s childhood was unhappy, owing both to unfortunate neighborhood conditions and to the incompatibility of his parents. During most of their married life his parents were kept together more by financial and religious considerations than by any regard for each other. Finally, the father decided that the only way out of the difficulty was to break up the home.

Unable to talk it over reasonably with the patient’s mother, and in order to avoid a painful scene, he sent the family to another city, where he had arranged a home for them. He also provided that the mother receive a certain sum of money each month for the support of herself and the two boys. At this point the father dropped out of the picture, as he went to another state to reestablish himself in business.

The boy’s early social contacts were unfortunate. He had several prolonged illnesses, which affected him physically to such an extent that for a time he was unable to compete with other boys in physical things. Moving into a new community made this doubly hard. He was bullied unmercifully by other boys. Finally, he came under the domination of a boy who was living in the same apartment house, a boy somewhat older, rather stupid, but well developed physically.

The latter assumed a sort of protective attitude toward the patient. It was from this boy that the patient had his first sex instruction. He was taught to masturbate and at the same time told that it would hurt him physically. He confessed his first experience to his mother, who was horrified and shocked. She told him that this was only a confirmation of her belief that he took after his father in his Weaknesses. She told him that his father had always been sensual and impressed the boy with her disgust for masturbation and with her conviction that it was a great sin.

He made a resolution to stop, broke the resolution, made another, and with each attempt became more and more convinced that he was unable to combat this evil. He felt that he must conquer it in order to prove to himself and his mother that he was not a weak character, sinful by nature, etc. It became to him a sort of symbol of his whole struggle against the idea of evil. If he could conquer this thing, it would mean that he could conquer the weakness he had inherited from his father, he would regain the respect and affection of his mother and be able to compete with his younger brother for her regard.

His idea about masturbation added to his difficulties with other boys. He felt that not only was he physically handicapped by the illnesses which he had had and his subsequent awkwardness but also that he was not equal morally to the other boys in his group. He heard from some of them that one could always tell a masturbator by the pimples on his face and the inability to look a man in the eye. He became even more self-conscious and developed a fear that his habit would be discovered. As a result, he avoided meeting other boys and stayed at home a great deal, neglecting physical exercise and recreation.

About this time there were in the neighborhood several bullies. They were quick to recognize the patient’s attitude, and on one or two occasions waylaid him on the way from school, challenging him to fight. He was frightened and ran. On the only occasion when he did put up a light because he could not get away, he was severely beaten up by the two boys. This convinced him that he was a physical coward and added to his already growing disgust with himself.

In his university courses, this boy had shown an uncanny ability to pick out bits of information which tended to confirm certain things which worried him. He learned something of the biological theory of heredity and was strengthened in the belief that he had inherited his father’s weakness of character. He learned something of scientific determinism, interpreting it to mean that man is in no way a free agent, and that it is impossible to develop one’s will power if one does not already have it.

He heard of the evils of the so-called “inferiority complex” and having found a word under which he could sum up his problems, he was more than ever impressed by the magnitude of them Although he made good grades, success in this was of little value to him, in fact, to act as a compensation for the other failures. He therefore lost interest and began to neglect his studies. Above all things he needed that recognition, friendship, social contact, which his own feelings prevented him from getting.

It was found at the outset that any simple explanation and advice would not be’ of any value to the patient. He had ahead had such explanations from various competent faculty advisers. What was required was a thorough emotional reeducation. It is obvious from the account of the patient’s life that his problems were deep-seated and involved such fundamental relations as that of the patient toward his family, toward religion, and toward the problem of sex. The patient was unusually intelligent and cooperative throughout the procedure. He was seen at least three or four times every week; and although there have been times when he showed great depression; on the whole his progress has been marked.

At present this boy is handling the family situation well. He is no longer irritable, quarrelsome, and reclusive at home. He has been able to make several valuable acquaintances on the campus. He is now quite able to apply himself consistently to his work, and his grades have improved. He has chosen a profession and, even though he is not yet ready to enter his professional training, he is exceedingly interested in it and had done a great deal of outside reading on related subjects. He has solved the sex problem satisfactorily and is not masturbating or doing any unusual amount of fantasizing about sex, things. He no longer believes himself a coward.

The Logical Result
With such histories it is impossible to escape the conclusion that the resultant mental condition is the logical and inevitable outgrowth of learned methods of behavior, that these methods with variations probably would have been adopted by almost anyone subject to similar situations, and that the final symptoms which appear to be so abnormal are essentially the reactions found in every normal person under certain circumstances.

These things hold true not only for the simple types of cases described above but for most of the other mental illnesses. Thus the patient with dementia praecox lives in a dream so deep that it shuts him off from all contact with reality. He derives his satisfaction from imaginary companions, activities, and achievements. This is precisely the same method used by child and adult when they daydream gratification they have been unable to derive from reality.

The dementia praecox patient behaves like a child in getting pleasure from the infantile activities which the adult has so outgrown that they seem senseless and disgusting. This finds an exact parallel in the normal adult who, when meeting an obstacle which he is unable to overcome, exhibits childish temper or drops the work to indulge in play.